Bittersweet

It’s not okay that you hurt me, but I am okay. I deserve more, and I know that now. And maybe you knew that inside, that you couldn’t give me that yet. So you set me free. We would’ve been so great, you would never have wished for more than I would’ve given you. But you never gave it a chance.

So now you’ll never know what could’ve been. Maybe someday you’ll regret it, maybe someday you’ll think it was the best decision you ever made, but maybe someday you’ll see me walking, smiling and happy, alongside someone who’s also smiling and happy because he has my heart.

Maybe then you’ll stop and realize what you’re missing, because someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go…

In silence, my heart speaks.

A week has passed but the numbness is still within me. Honestly, I just want to cry it all out for one last time. I know I have moved forward and so are you, but there’s still one thin line that connects the both of us, the pain we left in each other’s hearts. No matter how we ignore it, try to live through it, at the end of the day, it will always dawn on us.

I tried to start the healing process for the both of us, swallowed my pride but still you pushed me away. It hurts when a friend treats you like a stranger.
To be honest, I just wanted to know how you’re doing but I guess you don’t anymore need me in your life.

I’m not going to waste anymore of your time and my time. I’ll just let it go. Maybe, it should end this way. In silence. But you know what, I wished it would have ended differently.

Numb.

it has been several days… yet i still feel numb. i’m not sure if it’s a good thing, instead of feeling anything at all.
this numbness in me scares me. it’s like i’m shuttingdown from the world.

is feeling all the sadness and hurt better than not feeling anything at all?
i’m not even sure how long will this numbness last.

i want to feel alive again.
be able to feel happiness, pain, sadness and hurt instead of a flat line.

how do i bounce back from all of this?
my mind is blank, my thoughts are cluttered and my heart is badly broken.

where to start, a question which i don’t have an answer no matter how i ponder, it stays… blank.

Just something in between.

I used to think that I can’t live without you, ever since you walked into my life a lot has changed. But you know what I can, I did live. I just never imagined my life without you.

When you kept your silence, didn’t tell me how you feel because you don’t want to feel that you lost something. But you did lose something, you lost me and the possibly “US”.

To be part of any relationship, be part of someone else’s life. May it be friendship or just something in between, we always want to be appreciated and accepted for who we are.

When you left and closed the door for us, I did try to open it once in a while. But then I just woke up one day and decided to leave it closed not for you or anyone but for me. No more hurt, anger or anxiety.
I want to look forward to another tomorrow, without you in my life. Something that it’s hard to do but needed to do.

I have let someone in my life again, someone in my past but opening a new page.
It may not be what I wished for, but I’m hopeful that in the future, love will find me again.
I am happy now just being with me.

I choose YOU!

I always ask myself this question… should i give you or us a chance?
before I would say YES! in a heartbeat.. but now the answer seems unclear.

Feelings are still intact, but not sure if my heart can still bear the hurt it went through.
Yes! I’ve decided to move forward.
Live life again, now with an open heart and a loving soul.

I have closed the door but left a window open.
We don’t know what the future has instore for us.
We just need to live in the present and remember the past as a lesson for both of us.

Loving you was never easy, you loving me was uncertain.
What is certain is that, we both know it could have been better if we faced our fears.

Tears may fall in our eyes but I know we never meant to hurt each other. We just had bad choices on how we showed our feelings for each other.
But you know what?
The best choice I’ve made beyond what happened between us… is loving you wholeheartedly.

I may not be the perfect fit for you, but if we just took the chance,
I would have shown and proved to you how much I love you.
No regrets, just beautiful memories of you in my heart that I will always keep.

Fall for Me.

If you’re going to fall in love with me. It’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities.
You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my tendency to be clingy.

You’ll fall in love with my hopes and my dreams.
And how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart.

If you’ll fall in love with me…
You’ll fall in love with my distrust and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile and sparkle when I’m with you.
The way I’ll text you in the mornings just to tell you that I hope you’ll have a great day.
The way that I’ll write you love letters to remind you everyday that loving YOU is enough for ME.

just missing you.. a lot!

I miss you today, yesterday and everyday.
I miss your smile… how your far lights up when you smile.
I miss our silly conversations.
I miss how you tease me.
What I really miss is YOU!

I know I was the one who chose to leave.
But you know what?
It broke my heart when I left because I know that I’ll never love someone like I have loved you.